1.Pizza Boy
No pizza has arrived
And i am so hungry
I rang up at 6：25
For a delivery
Even though i could
Have gone out
I can't be arsed tonoight
It reminds me that i'm so fat
I'm so fat.
No pizza has arrived
And i am so hungry
I rang up at 6：25
For a delivery
Even though i could
Have gone out
I can't be arsed tonoight
It reminds me that i'm so fat
I'm so fat.
Hello is that dominose I want a large magaritta
I want cheese and chicken and ham on the pizza
I phoned you up 10 minutes ago maybe you forgotten
maybee it was when you got referbished or something
sometimes you can't find things where you left them
Anyways, fuck it you've got it now, there's my order
can I have 2, I want one for my brother
My wife just gave birth to a daughter guess what I called her,
magaretta
I heard about the fire too, I'm sorry
My brother had a company that got burnt down on him
if you haven't run out can I have extra ham
i need it for my dog, his names sam
I like the way you make your pizzas man
I like the boxes to they're great for making hats
Anyways I hope my pizza arives soon I need it to stay fat
truly yours your best customer this is Stan
No pizza has arrived
And i am so hungry
I rang up at 6：25
For a delivery
Even though i could
Have gone out
I can't be ased tonight
It reminds me that i'm so fat
I'm so fat.
Hello is that dominoes, i'm still waiting for my Pizza it better
be here soon
I ain't mad i just think that you should treat your customers
better
If you don't want to take my order you don't have to
But you could at least let me know, other companies do
That includes pizza hut when they stoped i got told
I had been going there since i was 16 years old, with long hours
And you just ignore me, That's crap i'm always loyal to you
I want to be your customer i love your company to
I ain't mad i just don't like waiting when i got things to do
Remember last time you delivered you said i was your special
customer
I just want you to heat my piazza and deliver
I always enjoy it when i give you my order
I can see that if you're busy it takes long
But you're never this busy, unless i'm wrong
you should treat me good cause me and you are the best
I tell all my friends that you're better then the rest
Sometimes i time myself to see how long it takes to eat
It's the highlight of the day, i go slower with extra toppings
See all the stuff you sell is great and i love you 'cause it's
cheap
I told my girlfriend the whole menu and she was jealous
But she don't understand my love for pizza, only you do
She don't know why i count down the minutes from when i ring you
You better deliver it soon, i'l be the best customer you ever
lost
Sencierly yours stan, P.S how much does pizza hut next to you
cost
No pizza has arrived
And i am so hungry
I rang up at 6：25
For a delivery
Even though i could
Have gone out
I can't be ased tonight
It reminds me that i'm so fat
I'm so fat.
Dear Mr Pizza company that's so good they don't care about their
customers
This will be the last time I ever ring you up
It's been 2 hours now and still no pizza for tea
I know you got my orders you said you would send extra ham free
So This Is the message I'm leaving you
I hope you don't record over it I'm in Pizza hut now with a bomb
Hey dominoes i ate almost all the pizzas dare me to carry on
you know that song by Eminem and dido, stan
About that crazy emienem fan who wrote the letter
But eminem didn't write back and stan killed himself in the
river
That's like this is you could have saved me if you had responded
to my order
But now it's too late I've got a petrol bomb And I've eaten
loads
All I wanted was my and my brothers mageritta
I hope you know you've made me hate your pizza
I love you dominoes I could 've still been your customer
But you lost me know
I hope you can't survive and you go down the pan
And when you go bust you loose your job and you get a ban
I hope your company totally fails
See dominoes, shut it cow I'm on the phone
Hey dominoes that's my girlfriend screaming in the oven
But I didn't over-heat her I just heated her up
See I don't do it how you do
Caus'e if I only warm her and leave her in there she'll die to
We'll gotta go i'm just about to set the bomb off now
Oh shit I forgot I ain't suppose to record this
No pizza has arrived
And I am so hungry
I rang up at 6：25
for a delivery
Even though I could
Have gone out
I can't be arsed tonight
It reminds me that I'm so fat
I'm so fat
Dear Stan, we're getting your pizza ready now we've been very
busy
I put in extra ham for your dog sam, it's free
Were really proud that you would call your kid that
We'll sent you an origamy book so you can make more hats
I'm sorry You still ain't got your pizza We will get it to you
Don't think we are ignoring you we have other customers to
But what is this stuff you tell us how you eat the pizza is up
to you
We just heat them and deliver them as quick as possible to you
I think you need to stop getting in a mood
Other wise you'll die from anger and not eating the right food
But what you on about moving in to Pizza hut so your closer
I really think you and your girl friend need to talk together
Or maybe you should just be less of a fool
I hope you get to here this call
I hope You hear it tonight
Before you get hurt
I think you do all right
If you eat different foods
I'm glad you like our pizza but don't be mad
Just try and understand
that we do want you as a customer
I just don't want you do something stupid
I read about some stuff that made me feel like a helpless flid
Some dude ate loads of Pizza and was in Pizza hut
And had a petrol bomb and blew the whoe place up
On the phone they found a message but they didn't know who it
was to
Come to think about the message was from Stan that's you
dam
2.XXl (Extra Extra Large)
When you're small and skinny
Choosing clothes is not a problem
When you're big and fat
Its impossible to find some
I try to fit in to small and medium
But they're skin tight
Go up to large- it isn't as bad
I tell myself it's just my height
But i really know i'm so fat
I'm extra extra large
In big- sized clothes
I can't remember
The last time i saw my toes
Standing up is becoming hard
Maybe i'm just tired
Yeah right, lets face it
I'm a tub of lard
I probably won't find love
With some anorexic tart
But when can i
Open up my heart？
There's too much fat in the way
Can't you tell？
This takes some time
To grow and swell
3.Help Us
Help us, help us
We're so fat
Help us now
Before we die of a heart attack
They say it's not how much
But what you eat
Chips and chocolate aren't good
Maybe I should eat more meat
Maybe I'll die Early
In a painful death
But at least I would have eaten
To my last breath
I don't smoke or drink
And no- one's perfect
So why can't I just live
And make my life worth it？
God chooses who lives and dies
He chooses who's good and bad
So I think he chose me to be fat
Just like he chose me to be a lad
I don't care what people think
They can laugh
If they want
I don't adore my body in the bath
You care too much about your weight
Just eat what you want
And hang around with your mate
At the end of the day
I eat what I'm told
It's there to be ate
Otherwise it gets cold
What is death, but an aspect of life？
It's snack time
So give me my chips
And a fork and a knife
4.Consequences
Stuffed my face with chocolate and chips
Don't stop to think what will happen
Just ram it down the gap between my lips
It goes in one hole and out the other
I pity the poor sod who's next in the bathroom
Oh wait; it's my brother!
It stinks of shit
Because it is
Food in little bits
It smelt nice when it went in
Taking it out of its packet
From the tin
All I did was eat it
What does my body do
To make it smell different
When it comes out as poo？
There are different types
There's more than one
The weirdest things
Come out of peoples bums
5.Two Side To Every Coin
Are you happy, are you depressed？
Are you naked or fully dressed？
The way forward is behind us
Get annoyed but try not to make a fuss
The world is a never ending sphere
If you die you'll dissapear
Are you happy, are you sad？
Are you joking, are you mad？
Tell the truth or lie
No- one knows if you live or die
Do you smile or cry？
Don't ask questions, just ask why
Why cry when you are glad,
Or are you always sad？
Where are we going to？
What have we been through？
Is it good or bad for you？
The number of sides to a coin is two
There are three, everyone knows that
There's the edge that makes it fat
6.I Wish You Were Dead
There's a shite
who I don't like
I want to kill him
His name is Sam Pimm
I wish he would fucking die
That would put me on a high
I want to exterminate the prick
Who's dick his friends lick
They all should be killed
Then I would be thrilled
He makes everyone mad
If he died we'd be glad
If I heard of his death
I would have a party
That's how much I hate him
The little shite called Sam Pimm
7.Rolls
I have many rolls
But not a single bread one
I'm trying to reach my goals
Of having the world's biggest bum
When I sit down
I have spare tractor tyres
My parents frown
But rolls can smother fires
Rolls are beautiful
Rolls are good
I want more rolls
I wish I could
People call me the walking bakery
They want a piece of my rolls and me
But the rolls are all mine
To take any would be a crime
Rolls are beautiful
Rolls are good
I want more rolls
I wish I could
8.Questions
What is the meaning of life？
Why don't we just stop breathing？
How are we still here？
Who just downed the beer？
When are we going to reach the end？
What is around the next bend？
Are we on the home straight？
Is this song tempting fate？
Why don't you fuck off？
Lets laugh at a goth
Lets laugh at the freak
Lets laugh at the geek
We all hate everyone
It's what makes life fun
9.What Is It About？
Floating pointlessly round in life
Threatning to kill with a knife
Not knowing what will become
Just knowing what i've done
Take each day like it's the last
But don't set off too fast
Every time you cry there's a drought
Every time I smile, there's a flood
What is it about？
Wondering why I live in this world
When in a heat wave I'm still cold
The true adventure hasn't begun
All we can do is pretend to have fun
How can people like each other,
When they steal each others lover？
Why have I written this song,
If nothing is wrong？
The truth has been found out
What is it about？
10.Pointless Rhyming
There are many things that rhyme
In this short time
I know a few
But can't think of any, can you？
I need to be inspired
Or am I just tired？
So the problem is there
And I do care
Why can't I rhyme？
Is it a crime？
It's what I do
You should try it too
But is it stupid
That I'm a flid
I can't rhyme
I'll just mime
11.Life Goes On
You get close to people
Who you care about
You try to calm them
When they shout
They notice you
You notice them too
When they are not there
You wonder and care
They went on holiday in Devon
They didn't come back
They've gone to heaven
And that is that
You don't stop caring
When they're dead
You hear the phone ring
As you cry in your bed
But life goes on
For you
There'll be others
Only one or two
Why do you care
If you know they'll leave
In a life of dare
No- one knows when you grieve
12.Sunburnt
Gone on holiday
Sat on a beach
All the day
Went into the sea
As close to paradise
As I could be
I had fun
In the sun
Till I got sunburnt
I look like a lobster
It fucking kills
There are no more fucking thrills
I'm in pain
I shout in vain
I've run out of cream
It's a very bad dream
I look like a lobster
It fucking kills
There are no more fucking thrills
I'm sunburnt
I'm sunburnt
I'm sunburnt
What have I learned？
I look like a lobster
It fucking kills
There are no more fucking thrills
I'm sunburnt
I'm sunburnt
I'm sunburnt
I'm sunburnt
It fucking Kills
Give me some pain-killer pills
13.Now ＆ Again
What just happened
Happened to confuse
Confuse and offend
Offend those who lose
Lose the past
Past the present
That is what
What happened then
Then you see
Now and Again
live the life
Life of today
Today with a wife
Wife says your gay
Past the now
Now you see
See The future
How it's meant to be
That is what
What happened then
Then you see
Now and Again
It's an Attention seeking shy person
Like a Flashback to the future
You think of unrealistic realisation
Don' forget, remember
just continue what hasn't yet begun
happy to predicting the past
You can't think of then just now
Now and again
14.I Hate Snooker
Snooker is boring
It really is shity
They show it on telly
All day and all night
Red ball, white ball
Who gives a fuck？
Their waiscoats are putrid
I think I'm gonna chuck
Dennis Taylor's a tosser
John Virgo's the same
They cancelled my program
It drives me insane
Snooker is boring
It really is shity
They show it on telly
All day and all night
It's not even a sport
But more of a game
Whoever invented it
Is totally lame
Snooker is boring
It really is shity
They show it on telly
All day and all night
There is no point to it
Let's face it; it's shit
So lets grab all their snooker sticks
And shove them up their marmite bits!
15.Happy Song ：-)
The Potato Pies
Miscellaneous
Happy Song：-)
Nothing of it is true
'Cause no one knows the meaning
If you don't know the question
You have to lie before answering
We are all happy on this earth
There is no reason to cry
So when someone does
Everyone admits life is a lie
Nothing of it is true
'Cause no one knows the meaning
If you don't know the question
You have to lie before answering
The way we live is in uncertainty
That's why there is so much pain
No-one knows for sure what will happen next
'Cause the answer is hidden in their brain
And the only thing guaranteed in life is death
Nothing of it is true
'Cause no one knows the meaning
If you don't know the question
You have to lie before answering
People find faith to keep themselves happy
But all that leads us to is wars
And the true believers fight to the death
And are now dead, of course
Nothing of it is true
'Cause no one knows the meaning
If you don't know the question
You have to lie before answering
16.Everyone
I love everyone
Everyone loves me
I hate everyone
everyone hates me
Everyone hates
Everyone loves
Everyone's mates
Everyone's 2 turtle doves
I hate Sam Pimn
I realy hate him
He realy hates me
That is clear to see
I love everyone
Everyone loves me
I hate everyone
everyone hates me
Am I skizophrenic
I can't spell dislexic
I might de stupid
I might be a flid
You are all dumb
You all have fun
I love you all
But you hate me
I love everyone
Everyone loves me
I hate everyone
everyone hates me
the mind is a special place
special for everyone
everyone can see my face
Everyone can here me hum
Everyone can sing
Sing very badly
Everyone can bring
Bring news gladly
I love everyone
Everyone loves me
I hate everyone
Everyone hates me
17.Fuck Off Road Rage
I look forward to going to places
I like seeing other people's faces
But I don't enjoy the car ride
I hate everyone that cuts me up at the side
I just want to drive at the speed limit
I don't want to swear at this stupid shit
Who thinks he owns the road
Like the wind in the willows toad
I wanted to get there safely
I see these idiots trying to go quicker than me
I want to get out and hit the bastards
I shout and call them fucking retards
Because that's what they are
Trying to kill everyone with their car
I just want a safe journey
I don't need these bastards annoying me
I have to lose me temper
They are stupid and think they're clever
I shout out the window
They can't hear me so？
They are fucking fucked up shits
They are all a bunch of pricks
I should probably calm down
And maybe just frown
But it is so hard
When I see this fucking retard
They are fucking fucked up shits
They are all a bunch of pricks
I want to get out and hit the bastards
I shout and call them fucking retards
Because that's what they are
Trying to kill everyone with their car
18.Life Is A Jerky Ride
The world today
Is full of People
Who are depressed
They might smile
For a while
But they soon will
Cry
Behind every happy face
Is a lonely soul
Sitting at home
Treating life as a hole
They sit there and cry
Till they cry their eyes dry
And then they go out and smile
People have a good and bad side
People have a happy and sad side
Life is a jerky ride.
Happiness for some
Is sadness for others
Lying in bed
Crying under the covers
They won't show it outside
Won't let people know they cried
19.Ignore Me
Look out the window
And what do you see？
Every happy
Happy to be free
Everyone singing
Singing this song
Happy to know
That they are not wrong
I am I am I am wrong
I am I am the stupid one
I am I am Iam dumb
I don't I don't have fun
Everyone lives
Lives to be glad
Nobody likes
Likes to be sad
They all have fun
Fun for you
They all do things
Things they want to
I am I am I am wrong
I am I am the stupid one
I am I am Iam dumb
I don't I don't have fun
Ignore what I said
Said what I wrote
Wrote what I read
Read that I won't
Sing what you Sang
Sang to be glad
Glad that you can
Can never be sad
I am I am I am wrong
I am I am the stupid one
I am I am Iam dumb
I don't I don't have fun
You do
You should
If I could,
I would
20.Mouldy Cheese Sandwich
As I was walking, lonely, down the street
Suspicious of people I will never meet
I came to a little cafe run by pete
Thought I'd go right inside and get something to eat
Now I regret as I
Sit on the toilet
My arse was sore
As I started running for the door
It's coming out like gravy
As I fill up the toilet
This mouldy cheese sandwich
Has given me the shits
The chef was dirty; he had food in his beard
And the food that I ate tasted unnervingly weird
But I thought nothing of it as I gulped down my beer
Though I glanced at the toilet, to check it was near
My arse explodes
I paint the wall
Klingons galore
And the crap begins to fall
It's coming out like gravy
As I fill up the toilet
This mouldy cheese sandwich
Has given me the shits
21.I Love You Dad
I have to write this song
To correct all that is wrong
I have to let you hear
That I am still here
I have to tell you
What I was too young to
Since you left this world
Every day feels cold
What can I do
I think of you
It makes me sad
I love you Dad
I loved what you did
When I was just a kid
You were the perfect Dad
You always made me glad
But now you are gone
I need to be strong
I need to succeed for you
And my Mum too
I love you both
But I can tell her
You got cancer
You can never know
What can I do
I think of you
It makes me sad
I love you Dad
If I had no fear
I would die
You would appear
And I wouldn't lie
I miss being your son
Going to London
Visiting the shops
Having good fun
What can I do
I think of you
It makes me sad
I love you Dad
What can I do
I think of you
It makes me sad
I love you Dad
(Thank you)
22.I Die
As time goes by
The days are passed
I wonder why
Life goes so fast
I cant forget
I know we try
I have to live
Before I died
I die
I die
We have good times
I wont forget
The petty crimes
I'll always regret
I have to go
To say goodbye
I leave you now
Before I die
I die
I die
So fuck you all
I hate this place
You are so small
A fucking disgrace
I know its sad
I know we leave
But it aint bad
Unless we don't breath
We live again
Until the end
I'll find out why
Before I die
I die
I die
end
23.Fashion
Wear what I wear
Its really cool
Dress like I do
Follow me like a fool
But I'm not a robot
I'll do what I feel
Stuff your fashion
You slimy eel
You pull me down
Because I'm different
I wear what I choose
It's not up to you
Fashion
Is total fucking shite
You're beat up and mocked
If you don't do it right
I am who I am
You are who you Are
So leave me alone
Who cares if I'm off par？
I don't care
For your ruthless fashion
Being a robot
Just isn't my passion
Fuck Fashion
24.Darling Baby Angel Girl (Ode To Westlife)
Darling you're my baby
You are an angel, baby
Girl you're my angel
Baby you're my angel
Baby it's you and me
Girl we are meant to be
Angel I love you, baby
Girl don't ever leave
Darling you're the one
Darling you're my girl
I have to let you know
Darling baby angel girl
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