1.I Wanna Rock U Hard This Xmas
作詞：Luke Eubin, Dan Finnerty
While the jingle bells are jinglin'
And the snow begins to fall
And my grandma makes her gingerbread cookies
Just across the hall
I'm freakin' 'bout what to get you
Then it suddenly occurs to me
The best Christmas present is to rock your body
Underneath the fuckin' tree
I wanna rock you hard this Christmas
I wanna fill your stockin' with my candy cane of joy
We'll have a very merry motherfuckin' Christmas
I'll drive the love train down Santa Claus lane
I'm your little drummer boy
While the eggnog is all noggy
And the fireplace all aglow
While our bodies are heatin' up in Yuletide
Places down below
I hope you like my present
It was way too big to wrap
I'm gonna get naughty all over your body
Come sit on Santa's lap
I wanna rock you hard this Christmas
I wanna fill your stockin' with my candy cane of joy
We'll have a very merry motherfuckin' Christmas
We'll drive the love train down Santa Claus lane
I'm your little drummer boy
We'll be slushin' like snow angels 'til the mornin'
We won't hear the reindeer hoofin' up above
We won't hear Santa comin' down the chimney
We won't see he and my grandma makin' hot-ass cookie love
But we'll hear him exclaim as he rides out of sight
He'll fuckin' say
Granny I rocked you hard this Christmas
I filled your stockin' with my candy cane of joy
So have a very merry motherfuckin' Christmas
And the world will start rejoicin'
And the choir boys start to sing dominus tannenbaum
And the lords a-leapin' give the ladies in waitin'
Their five ass golden rings
And the seven pipers are pipin'
The eight maids are milkin' in the snow
And I'll be happy when I'm gettin' unwrappied
By my Christmas ho, ho, ho
(Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho)
Have a very merry motherfuckin' Christmas
Peace on earth, we are the world and frickin' 'Kumbaya'
Have a very merry motherfuckin' Christmas
Deck the halls with your Christmas balls
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, fa, la, la
2.Ho Ho Ho
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Ho, ho, ho
Get offa the street it's chilly outside
And it's starting to snow, snow, snow
Baby, listen to me
It was late in December
And she was walkin' her beat
She could not remember
When she'd been off of her feet
Snowflakes were fallin'
As she spotted her date for Christmas Eve
She had to move quickly
'Cause snow was meltin' all up in her brand new weave
Up in the night sky
She heard the jingle bells ring
He swooped down with his reindeer
Saw her doin' her thangity, thangity thing
He parked on the rooftop
Of the steamy old hatchback Chevrolet
He knew he could help her
He popped an Altoid and hopped out of his sleigh
And he said
Ho, ho, ho
Get offa the street it's chilly outside
And it's starting to snow, snow, snow
Listen to me
It's 20 below, low, low
You don't need another nasty old Johnny
Payin' for the poonani, baby
No, no, no, why can't you see？
She said, 'Damn you got some fresh breath, dude
And I like your friggin ride
But you gonna have to wait your turn
I gotta customer inside'
He said 'You ain't got to do this, baby
Come away with me tonight
I'll give you a job at my place
Ho in on the holiday ain't right'
And he said
Ho, ho, ho
Get offa the street it's chilly outside
And it's starting to snow, snow, snow
Baby, listen to me
It's 20 below, low, low
You don't need another nasty old Johnny
Payin' for the poonani, baby
No, no, no, why can't you see？
Maybe it was his tone of voice
That persuaded her to leave
Maybe she knew she had better things
She could be doin' on Christmas Eve
Maybe it was the girl inside
Rememberin' dreams she'd planned
Maybe it was the 100 dollars
That he slipped into her hand
She got into his sleigh that night
And he showed her the North Pole
She got a job takin' care of the elves
Head of population control
Since she knows nice from naughty
She helps Santa make his list
She loves it there, Santa loves her too
But Mrs. Claus is frikin' pissed
Ho, ho, ho
Get offa the street it's chilly outside
And it's startin' to snow, snow, snow
Baby, listen to me
It's 20 below, low, low
You don't need another nasty old Johnny
Payin' for the poonani, baby
No, no, no, why can't you see？
Ho, ho, ho
3.Mrs. Claus
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Yeah, this one's going out to a very special lady
At Christmas
Mrs. Claus, I write this letter to you
'Cause nobody else seems to understand you likes I do
I know what's underneath the spectacles and the long red dress
A woman whose taken backseat so her man can have success
You're left alone to clean up his business
While he's off on his merry way
You work as hard as he do, I know, girl
And this is why I say
I'm just finishin' makin' up my Christmas list
And I wrote one down for you
Stand tall, baby, don't play small no more
Stop givin' up credit when credit's yours
You can take the reins frickin' drive the sleigh
You probably made all the damn toys anyway
It's time to finally step forward
And take your propers Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Claus believe me when I say
You should never gots to be alone on Christmas day
You work your ass off while he get all the fame
We call him Santa and Kris
But I don't ever know your first name
While he's out there ho'in tou at home knowin'
The elves look the other way
Don't be disrespected you're being neglected
And woman this is why I say
I'm just finishin' makin' up my Christmas list
And I wrote one down for you
Stand tall, baby, don't play small no more
Stop givin up credit when credit's yours
You can take the reins, frickin' drive the sleigh
You probably made all the damn toys anyway
It's time to finally step forward
And take your propers Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus
Teach him a lesson and be gone
See what he gets done on his own
Be treated like the queen you are
Woman you invincible hear you roar
Take no crap from that tired old elf
Sister are doin' it for themselves
You're gonna be a Christmas superstar
Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus
4.Get Drunk ＆ Make Out This Christmas
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Woman I love ya, you know that I do
How else can I say, 'Happy Christmas to you'
My presents I know in the past have been lame
But I'm not a good shopper, I say it with shame
This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Hey, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas？
Yeah, I've tried really hard to nail your unique style
But I see all the sorrow through your polite smile
Those sweaters and panties I've bought you before
Still have tags connected deep down in your drawer
This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas？
I want to kiss you and hold you and touch you
And tickle your fancy 'til morning
Now ain't that better than some stupid gift card
Or pants suit or earrings or perfume
Or UGG boot or Swatch watch
I'll be romantic, light candles get tantric
Fill bathtubs with flowers, talk feelings for hours
Then when it's time for some sexy flirtation
We'll both get what we want win-win situation
Happy Christmas to you
This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas？
Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas？
All together now, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas？
5.Christmas Time In California
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Well, the snow ain't falling down
Nobody bundled head to feet
There's no children sledding snowball
Frickin' fighting in the street
There ain't no Christmas carolers singing
Jolly winter songs
It's just spray-tanned people
Out sunbathing in their thongs
Nobody with chestnut roasting
No snowmen being made
You can pray for some hot cocoa
All you'll get is lemonade
There ain't no snowflakes falling
'Cause it's 85 degrees
When it drops way down to 70
People think they're gonna freeze
And you're sweating half to death
As you hang lights in the palm trees
It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green
Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas Time in California
You decorate your lawn
With surfin' Santas made of lights
You put the fake snow on the rooftop
And scratch mosquito bites
You cruise in your convertible
Drive through the Taco Bell
The lot next door has million dollar
Christmas trees to sell
And you buy a dried-up Douglas-fir
Wnd wonder, 'What the hell？'
It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green
Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas time in California
I don't wanna mow the lawn right now
I wanna shovel snow
I don't wanna any more damn sunshine
I want 29 below
I don't wanna wear a tank top
'Cause my snow suit can't be beat
I don't want these stupid flip flops
I want moon boots on my feet
I don't wanna go out swimming
I'd rather be on skis
I don't wanna be all toasty warm
I'd rather frickin' freeze
And if I spend another minute
On the stupid 405
I will drive my damn car off a cliff
And burn my ass alive
Maybe I should move away
But the rest of the year is pretty okay
So I'll suffer through another holiday
It's Christmas time in California
Put on your sunscreen
Christmas time in California
Toasty, warm and green
Take a sleigh ride to the beach
Do snow angels in the sand
'Cause it's Christmas time in California
6.Christmakwanzakah
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
This happens every time of year
I don't know what to do
When I'm feelin' all cheery
And I wanna give a greeting
'Cause I'm in the holiday mood
And I go scrambling in my brain
Tryin' to guess what they celebrate
Then I give it all up and I cover my bases
And this is what I say, well, I say
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Like the other day
I was shovelin' snow
And I saw my neighbor Akmed
He was stringin' Buddha beads
On his Christmas tree
With a Yamakah on his head
He said, 'Why don't you come by later
For the festival of lights
Be here at 8, that's when we meditate'
I said, 'Hell, why not alright', and I say
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Don't say I'm waterin' religion down
I'm just including people all around
Isn't that what the whole deals about
Don't wanna leave nobody out
I don't care what you believe
On Hanukkah or Christmas Eve
Ramadan and Kwanzaa too
I'm just trying to be nice to you
It's all colliding what's a guy to do
Don't wanna go and offend anybody
Are they Christian, Muslim
Buddhist or Jew
You can't tell by looking
And it don't feel right to guess
Buyakasha, frickin' 'Kumbaya'
It's all the same God bless and I say
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
Happy Christmakwanzakah
Merry Krishna, merry Krishna
7.Not On Christmas Eve
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Another tear drip down my cheek while I watch it snow
All alone again under the mistletoe
You say you're out buying presents now for me
But I saw the digits on your caller ID
We've been down this road so many time before
Still I can't believe you're constantly a ho
I make date nights, pay your bills and buy your hair
Lord you be stressing me out but you don't care
But please don't disrespect me, baby, not on Christmas eve
Believe me boo I'm beggin' you my heart upon my sleeve
I just bought you a present, I don't wanna take it back
The mall's so far away
Where you at now, cheatie, all the stores are closed
You been frontin' but now all your lies exposed
I call you celly and tell me why do it go straight to voice
mail？
I been blind so long I should be readin' Braille
But please don't disrespect me, baby, not on Christmas eve
Believe me boo I'm beggin' you my heart upon my sleeve
I just bought a kick-ass present, I don't wanna take it back
The mall's so far away
I don't wanna play this, not no more
Take your perpetration out the door
Why you gotta leave me crying on the floor？
I can't take it, not on Christmas
No, you didn't
Now you come up in here waving your white flag
How 'bout this mofo let's see what's in that bag
Give me my propers, show me what the hell got there inside
If you ain't lyin' you got nothgin' to hide
Oh, my present better be in that bag
Or I'll leave your sorry ass to fuckin' night for reals
Oh my God, I love it, is that for me？
Holy cow it fit me to a T
You know I never doubted you, baby
I love you, Happy Christmas
You're my baby, honey, I love you, kiss me
8.Christmas Flip-Flop
作詞：Dan Finnerty, David Wilder
I was shopping on-line at Christmas time
Didn't want to wait in line with all the fools
Didn't want to be around
That Christmas cheer no more
Was about to click the checkout button
Be done with all my Christmas shopping
Suddenly my computer froze
There was a knock at my front door
I said 'Who's that？ Is it you Laverne？
Baby, knew you'd come back to me'
When I open the door there was a boy in rags
With a tiny Christmas tree
He said 'My name is Shawn
My mama's got a wooden leg
She wants flip-flops for Christmas
I didn't come here to beg
But if you have an extra flip-flop
I'll give my Christmas tree to you
She's only got one foot that works
So one flip-flop will do'
Well, I looked in that little boy's eyes
They were welling up with tears
I looked deep down inside my soul
Been hardened by the years
I looked around the house
Where I'd been hiding from mankind
And I found that boy a flip-flop
Laverne had left behind
As the boy ran off with the flip-flop
I yelled to him, 'What about my tree？'
He said 'Oh yeah, shit, I almost forgot'
And he left it there for me
And as he disappeared into the night
I knew an angel had come to call
'Cause I got a free tree on Christmas Eve
And I didn't have to leave the house at all
Yeah, I didn't have to leave the house at all
If you have an extra flip-flop
I'll give my Christmas tree to you
She's only got one foot that works
If you have an extra flip-flop
I'll give my Christmas tree to you
She's only got one foot that works
If you have an extra flip-flop
I'll give my Christmas tree to you
She's only got one foot that works
If you have an extra flip-flop
9.Love Me This Much All Year Long
作詞：Dan Finnerty, David Wilder
Christmas time is here love is in the air
Presents 'neath the tree show how much you care
As the snow is falling and the fire draws us near
Here's the only gift that's on my Christmas list this year
Love me this much all year long
Each and every day a song
How you'll love me so no matter what the day
New Year's eve to Halloween
Each and every day between
Make me feel like I'm the finest Cabernet
It doesn't matter how you let me know
Only that I know your love won't pass
Love me on the normal days in the tiniest of ways
And your gift will be that I won't leave your ass
I will buy you flowers, let your fantasies begin
Set the mood with candles won't just try to stick it in
Love me this much all the year whisper gently in my ear
That you love me, that you love me
And my gift is still I'll love you so
You will always be my ho
I will love you long time dear
10.Please Don't Bomb Nobody This Holiday
作詞：Dan Finnerty, Jeremy Ruzumna, David Wilder
Here's a holiday message going out to the world
Please listen up our white flags are unfurled
What we gotta do to get it through to you
To play nice with each other？
Don't make me separate you
No more hateratin' sisters and brothers
It seem like everybody needs a little time out
The bullies running loose, we're callin' for a truce
A world full of doubt
Grown ups are lyin' while babies be cryin'
We're all pickin' sides causin' divides, losin' our pride
Here's all we're askin' you
Please don't bomb nobody this holiday
Not on the holiday
It just don't seem nice to bomb people, don't fight
It's impolite, it ain't right, not tonight, not on the holiday
Instead of a bomb send a pear tree
Maybe a fruit cake or snow cone machine
Kill them with kindness and you'll understand
You got to learn to use your friggin' words
Instead of you hands
Come on world, why you gotta bomb people？
Especially on the holiday, you bein' so naughty
Yeah, maybe you need a big spankin'
The world needs a big fat spankin'
And I'm gonna give it to you aight？
Here's what I want you to do is dig deep down in you soul
Find someone you cannot understand or frickin' deal with at all
Go up and ask them to hang with you, walk in their shoe
Let me know how it go, I ain't walkin' in nobody's shoes
Shoes are nasty, baby
All the world's problems they start out at home
So take care of all your bullcrap 'fore you walk out your door
Don't spread your hate germs and make us all ill
Don't make me pull this world over, you know that I will
Please don't bomb nobody
This holiday, not on the holiday
Don't bomb people motherfuckers
Keep it peaceful, shit
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no, not on the holiday
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no, not on the holiday
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no, not on the holiday
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no, not on the holiday
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no, not on the holiday
Please don't bomb, no
Please don't bomb, no
11.This Christmas
12.This Holiday
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